everyone is single if you try hard enough
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
