My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
