i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
