Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
