Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You've changed since you got that strap on
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
