my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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