NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
