you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
