is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
