I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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