Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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