The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
