if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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