community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
