I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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