they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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