frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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