Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
