Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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