At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
