I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
