dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
