Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
