i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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