you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
