How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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