mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
