Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
