Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
