are you so shy because you have an std?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
