her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
