Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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