He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
