covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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