I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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