no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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