billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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