I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
