You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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