Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
