We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
