I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
