can u get pink eye on your cock?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
