Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
