Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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