Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
