hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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