Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
