jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
