She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
