I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
