Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
