I am puke
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
