I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
