i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
